


cheaters

by yourleftthigh69 (diosleftthigh69)



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Sword Art Online (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Adventure, Anal, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Bottom Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Bottom Kirigaya Kazuto | Kirito, Cheating, Come Swallowing, Coming Out, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Crying, Deepthroating, Depression, Drama, Dream Smp, Duelling, Eating, Emo, Furry, Hacking, Hand Jobs, Heartbreak, Licking, Loud Sex, M/M, Men Crying, Moaning, Multi, Nipple Licking, PlOt ReLeVaNcY, Plot Twists, Psychopathology & Sociopathy, Swordfighting, Swords, Top Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Top Kirigaya Kazuto | Kirito, Yaoi, crackfic, duel wielding, hack clients, hardcore anal sex, hax 3000, twisted fucking cycle path, unravel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-14 04:29:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29661789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diosleftthigh69/pseuds/yourleftthigh69
Summary: they're cheaters in their own special ways 🥰
Relationships: Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Kirigaya Kazuto | Kirito/Clay | Dream
Comments: 5
Kudos: 8





	cheaters

**Author's Note:**

> i dont know who any of these people are

one day dream was making out with george when all of a sudden a new person joined the game. 

<Kirito joined the game>

there was mass confusion beyond the various members online at the time. no one knew a new player would log on today. 

<TommyInnit> yo who tf is this pussy

<BadBoyHalo> language

<TommyInnit> whoops my bad. hola quien tf es este coño.

<jschlatt> jajajaja

<Kirito> i am kirito and i am a pussy destroyer and a god i can control the plot of any story to make myself the GOD of that world.

<TommyInnit> weirdChamp.

the rest of the members ignored kirito's presence until one day, kirito stumbled across a happy couple making out in a field. "ohhh dream you're so hot." said the man, britishly. "oh george your cock is so large it makes me want to shit a brick." dream said suggestively. "gay." kirito said and approached the two men. "who are you i will ban you." dream said, protecting his boyfriend georgie. "i am kirito i am the pussy destroyer and i want your hack client, dream." kirito said angstily. "no fuck off i am happily married to george not found." dream said angrily. "i dont care, hand him over." kirito said pulling out his diamond sword. "you fat bitch kirito if you touch my man dream i will eliminate your chromosomes." george said defensively. "suck my dick you colorblind muffin." kirito said and george started crying. "waaaa boo hoo i'm colorblind crying noises." george cried and turned emo and grew his hair out and now he looks like the most emoest being on planet earth. he stood up and grabbed a sea pickle to use as a microphone. his hair covered his eyes like a hentai protagonist's and he started to sing, "oshiete oshiete yo sono shikumi wo boku no naka ni dare ga iru no? kowareta kowareta yo kono sekai de kimi ga warau nanimo meizu ni. kowareta boku nante sa iki wo tomete hodokenai mou hodokenai yo-." then he got shot by technoblade. "NANI?!??!" dream said surprisedly. then technoblade also shot kirito and he died and lost all of his stuff. 

"oh god oh no i am dead." kirito said as he clenched his blocky minecraft fist and shed a single tear. "damn it i couldn't save you asuna." he cried, but then he realized something vital to the plot. "wait this isn't sword art online. this is dream smp." he said and wiped his tears. he respawned with a desire for revenge on technoblade. kirito got his shit together and started training to defeat technoblade once and for all. he needed to end technoblade's life because he shot him for no reason. kirito had a vengeance he needed to get revenge and he would use his special ability that NO ONE ELSE HAS to put technoblade in his place!

several tiring months of swinging a minecraft diamond sword at a stone block, kirito was ready to fight the pig himself, technoblade. kirito traversed the dream smp faction, walking on that sexy prime path. he then walked through l'manburg, ventured through logstedshire, and finally arrived at a snow biome with his minecraft diamond sword in hand, ready to kick the ass of that pesky technoblade and turn him into bacon once and for all. he walked for ages when he stumbled across a crater in the ground. kirito did not know what this was, but from the power of plot relevancy he now knows, that it was dream's old house, not that it's relevant to the plot in any way. 

after many minutes of sprint jumping, it began to snow. "dammit! it's snowing." kirito said and looked up into the sky like a shounen anime protagonist, one he could never strive to be, as kirito, does not know what failure is. eventually, the man himself, kirito, found technoblade's humble abode. he barged into his house and yelled, "TECHNOBLADE I WILL TURN YOU INTO BREAKFAST." technoblade ignored kirito's existence, as usual and stood up from his minecraft chair. "who are you? i am the almighty technoblade. you cannot defeat me!" technoblade said menacingly. "i don't care who you are, technoballsack. i will eat you!!" kirito said implying his favorite fetish is vore. "duel me right here, right now you cocky bastard. i won't let you get away with tarnishing my good name!" technoblade said and readied his sword. "fine. i shall duel you, technobitch." kirito said. the two of them stepped outside in the cold, snowy landscape. "on the count of three, we begin." technoblade stated. kirito nodded his head and technoblade began to count. "one.... two.... three!!!" technoblade lunged at kirito with his sword in his hand and shield in his other hand. kirito was ready to dodge. to technoblade, kirito looked like a noob. only using a sword with no shield. technoblade began to get cocky. he got a hit in on kirito. "damn it!" kirito thought to himself as he kept dodging technoblade's attacks.

but then, all of a sudden, a bright light shone down on kirito from the heavens. the snow filled clouds had parted in his favor. "is that you, plot relevancy?" kirito asked the opening in the cloud. "yes, it is i, plot relevancy." said plot relevancy. "can you help me out?" kirito asked the clouds. "of course!" said the gods. kirito was gifted an enchanted golden apple and he ate it. "NANI?!??!" technoblade gasped. "UUUUUUUURRAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" he screamed as he whipped out another sword and started FUCKING DUEL WIELDING!! "NAAANIIIIIII!?!?!??!!!!??!" technoblade gasped really hard. he was stunned at how kirito could pull this off, "how can some noob who just joined the server has this much power? who is this? who is kirito? is he a god? is he just lucky?" technoblade thought to himself as kirito's blade came down on him, striking him intensely. kirito kept slashing him when technoblade realized the truth about kirito's existence. "you're..... a cheater" he said as kirito's blade dug into his pig flesh. blood spurted everywhere. technoblade was on half of a heart. he looked up at kirito who had a devilish grin on his face. he struck his sword into technoblade's skull. "bruUuUuUuhh..." technoblade's final words left his lips as he died gloriously on that day. sun beams fell on kirito, his shadow blocking the light from reaching technoblade's corpse. kirito, with a desire for revenge, full of rage and anger, ripped apart technoblades already decimated corpse. he discovered some porkchops and left the battlefield like the twisted fucking cycle path he is.

the sun began to set on the day of his victory as he made his way back to the spawn of the server. pretty colors painted the minecraft sky as kirito stared directly into the sun. "i can't go blind, i am kirito." he stated and camped out in a small cave for a while. he decided to cook technoblade's remains and eat them for dinner. he mined some stone from the cave he was in and crafted a furnace, putting in coal and the raw porkchops he received from technoblade's dead body. kirito licked his lips as he was slowly surrounded by the aroma of bacon cooking before him, he couldn't wait to sink his teeth into his enemy's meat. moments later, the light in the furnace dimmed and his food was ready. he took the piping hot slices of bacon out of the furnace and ate them like a ferocious beast. "mmmm technoblade, you taste delicious." kirito said as he devoured his apponent. kirito then decided to leave his cave in case the other members were out looking for him. he needed to get away from technoblade's house. kirito travelled east into the night while eating technoblade's bacon.

\-------

when the other members of dream's survival multiplayer server saw technoblade's death message appear in chat, they knew something was wrong. technoblade is unbeatable! the only person who could beat technoblade in a battle would be a cheater! several members of the server joined together to discuss this in a meeting. "do you think it's that new kirito guy who killed technoblade?" tubbo questioned. "OBVIOUSLY YOU IDIOT!! IT SAID IT ON THE DEATH MESSAGE!!" tommy yelled and bonked tubbo on the head. "ah right..." tubbo replied. "but how did he do it? how did he manage to kill the blood god?" badboyhalo asked. "maybe he just got lucky?" fundy asked ironically. "i know how he did it." dream spoke menacingly. everybody went silent when dream spoke up. dream stood tall and confidently as he explained his theory. "there is no way someone could get RNG that good against technoblade. not even kono, dream, could win against technoblade, even if i was using hax 3000. but this man, kirito-san, was using a different hack client. he's using hax 4000, more commonly known as, plot relevancy! kirito is as filthy darn cheater!" dream announced loudly and slammed his hand on the table for dramatic effect. everyone gasped and connected the dots. "it makes so much sense!" tubbo said enthusiastically. "exactly!" dream stated. the team quickly devised a plan on how to defeat kirito and ban him from the server, with the bad taste of defeat in his mouth. "our attack will take place three days from now! we will destroy kirito's god complex and massive ego!" dream said and hyped up his slaves- i mean soldiers. the meeting was dismissed and everyone else continued their day as usual. 

a few hours later, dream found himself wandering around pogtopia, alone. the sun was setting as the clouds moved in. it began to pour. dream was standing in the middle of the rain, getting soaked. he looked depressed and emo. he was thinking to himself, "has george really changed? do i still love george? ever since he turned emo, i don't think i've had the same feelings for him that i used to." dream looked at his hand like how anime characters do for some reason. he looked up into the dark, dreary sky. rain fell on his square, blocky, minecraft face as a figure approached him from the distance. dream heard footsteps and watched the figure approach him. it was now dark enough that mobs would spawn. "hello?" dream asked, his voice too quiet for the figure to hear because of the loud sound of the pouring rain. the figure said nothing, but approached dream with confidence and a metaphorical stick up his ass. as the figure approached, dream could see a username. "kirito?!" dream thought. "holy shit! this is the man! this is the guy that killed technoblade! this might be my chance to end him!!" dream thought as he readied his diamond sword. kirito kept approaching dream when all of a sudden a spider began attacking dream, the spider knocked him off his feet and onto his ass. it's fangs and eight eyes scared dream more than anything as he sat there trembling in fear of an oversized arachnid. "hey watch out!!" kirito yelled and swooped in and killed the spider.

"hey, you were about to die from that spider." kirito said and offered his hand to dream. dream stared up at him. "kirito.... why... why did you save me? you killed technoblade! he's unbeatable!" dream said. "we're one in the same." kirito said as he ate a porkchop. "what do you mean?" asked dream.

"well... you're a cheater and so am i."

"oh... so you know about _that_."

"of course i do! who doesn't?"

"yeah, i guess everyone's heard about it by now."

"well hey, we can both be cheaters together!" kirito offered his fist for a brofist. dream then proceeded to give him a brofist. the two sat there all night and spoke about cheating and different hack clients before it was time for dream to go and see george. "well i'll see you later kirito, nice talking to you!" dream said sarcastically, he was trying to catch and kill kirito, not become friends with him. "stay cool." kirito said and walked off into the distance again. dream watched as he walked away and dream slowly did as well. he walked towards the community house and saw george standing out front. "hey george." dream said unenthusiastically. "hey dreamy weamy." george said and cried. "why are you crying?" dream asked and held george's hand. "because i'm so helplessly emo!!" he cried. dream wanted to comfort him the best he could. they sat down on one of the beds and george vented about his emoness and dream sat there and listened. "thanks dream, i think i'm becoming less emo now, but i still think i'm gonna come out as a furry." george smiled as he wiped his tears. "no problem man." dream said and patted george on the back as george rested his head on dream's man titty. after a few minutes of sitting in that position, dream felt a hand run down his abdomen to his pants. "g-george! what are you doing?!" dream asked in shock. "c'mon dreamy weamy!! let daddy touch your dick!!" george smiled seductively. dream blushed as george unzipped dream's pants and slid his flaccid cock out. "why aren't you hard my little horseradish?" george asked curiously. dream sighed and stood up. "george... i have to tell you something..." dream said and blushed. george still sat on the bed, ready to listen to his loving wife, dream. 

"g-george, ever since you turned emo... i feel like... you've become a different person..." dream started. george adjusted his emo scene kid hair along with various piercings on his body. "george... lately... it's been difficult to find those same feelings i used to have for you... but at the same time... i still love you..." dream said, not making eye contact with him. george was hardly even paying attention to dream, he was just staring at dream's dick hanging out of his pants. "d-dream..." george started, but then dream went in for the kiss. george was caught off guard and pulled away. "d-dream! what's this for? you just said you didn't love me anymore!" george said shakily. "no george, i still love you, but... at the same time... i feel like i'm in love someone else." dream said as he thought about the figure who approached him that previous night. "dream are you trying to tell me you don't love me anymore?" george asked, feeling as if he'd been betrayed. "i'm sorry george. i don't know what came over me... i... i just..." dream started, but was cut off by george kissing him. "it's okay dream. i know you're faithful and loyal to me. i know you love me. heh, if you didn't love me, you wouldn't let me be giving you a hand job right now!" george admitted. "haha yeah!" dream laughed cringily and they had light sex.

\-------

"man that dream guy... he's kinda hot..." kirito said as he kept walking around, trying to stay on the move in case he was being followed by anyone. kirito wandered and wandered until the sun had set once more. kirito was in the middle of nowhere and it was dark, mobs were spawning and his hunger was low. he'd just run out of technoblade's remains to feast upon. he was in a plains biome, with nowhere for him to hide from mobs. skeletons were shooting at him, creepers snuck up on him, there were a few craters in the ground by now. kirito's health was draining and not regenerating. "d-damn it! this might be the end!!" kirito stated as a skeleton took a shot at him from a distance, but then, all of a sudden. another player came to his aid and intercepted the shot. kirito was shocked, it was the same man from before. "hey kirito! looks like i caught you at a good time!" dream said. "ah yeah... thanks for saving me dream..." kirito blushed. dream also blushed. "uhh... anyways... let's go take shelter somewhere..." dream said and brought him back to pogtopia. "hey this is the same place we were at last night." kirito noticed. "yeah, this is pogtopia." dream said and took kirito's hand and guided him down a staircase and mined through a cobblestone wall to be greeted with an abandoned automatic potato farm. "what's this room?" kirito asked as dream let go of his hand and resealed the entrance. dream put up a torch in the dark room. "kirito i have to tell you something." dream said blushing furiously. "kirito... i... love you..." dream said and took kirito's hand and kissed it. kirito was surprised but he was really happy. "dream... i... i love you too..." kirito admitted. "oh good, i'm glad we feel the same way." dream smiled.

dream cupped kirito's face and kissed his soft lips. "mmm kirito your lips taste so good..." dream said. "thank." kirito replied and they made out sloppily. there was kissing noises and saliva everywhere. the two boys moaned heavily as their lips touched. "ohh dream... you're a good kisser..!" kirito exclaimed. "that's what george tells me!" dream moaned as he slid his hand down kirito's shirt and tried to find his nipples. "silly dream! anime boys don't have nipples!" kirito exclaimed and started licking dream's. "ahhh... right...!" he moaned. kirito slid his hands down dream's toned chest, going down to his abs and the top of his pants. "ohh kirito..." dream moaned as kirito unzipped his pants, revealing dream's 8 inch cock. there was precum dripping from it already. "wow dream, you're one horny minecraft youtuber aren't you?" kirito said suggestively. "just hurry up and suck it! i'm horny!!" dream demanded as kirito got down on his knees and started to lick the precum off of dream's erect penis. "ohhh kirito...." dream moaned. kirito licked up and down dream's shaft. then kirito deepthroated dream's cock. "OHHH KIRITO!!!" he moaned loudly as he was not expecting kirito take it all in at once. "ohhh..." dream moaned. kirito sped up the pace he was sucking at and sooner than later, dream released his load in kirito's mouth. "ah, kirito you don't have to swallow it-." dream said, but kirito swallowed it all anyways. "your cum tastes like the sweat of hack client users." kirito said and looked up at dream who was blushing like crazy. dream was sweating and breathing heavily. kirito's mouth felt so good.

"now dream, it's your turn to please me." kirito stood up and unleased his sword for dream to see. dream then got a brilliant idea. "hey kirito, you're a swordsman right?" dream asked with a grin on his face. "yeah, why?" kirito asked as dream's dick got harder. "do you wanna duel?" dream asked him. kirito lit up, he was so excited dream wanted to have a duel with him. "yes!" kirito exclaimed and they both got their dicks ready to have an epic sword fight. kirito lunged at dream, their dicks colliding as if they were fighting for their lives in this battle. dream struck kirito's sword harshly, knocking it out of control. the battle of slapping their dicks together went on for several minutes until finally, kirito unleashed his sword skill, as did dream, twice. the two of them sat down, dicks out, panting. "wow dream, i guess that was a draw..." kirito smirked. "wanna do round two?" dream suggested. "hell yeah, but this time, let's do it a little different..." kirito said pinning dream down on the floor. "k-kirito... you don't mean..." dream blushed. kirito nodded his head and yanked dreams pants down. dream spread open his legs, revealing his tight asshole. kirito licked his lips and rammed his dick into dream's ass. "AAA KIRITO!!" dream moaned loudly. "oh yeah? you like this dream?" kirito said as he thrused in and out of dream. "harder kirito!! harder!!!" dream moaned. "dream you're not dreamy weamy anymore, you're dreamy creamy!!" kirito said as dream cummed all over kirito's face. the two continued having hardcore anal sex for hours and hours.

\-------

george sat up in the bed he was sleeping in at the community house. "dream?" he said in the middle of the night, looking for his lawfully wedded wife, dream. "where could he have gone at this hour?" george asked himself as he grabbed some weapons and other miscellaneous items from a chest, including coal, fireworks, food, and sea pickles. george wandered around until he found eret. "hey eret, did you see where dream went?" he asked. "he went east of the prime path, towards l'manburg or pogtopia i think." eret replied. "thanks man." george said and left to find dream. he travelled to l'manburg and found quackity who was on crack. "hey crackity, have you seen dreamy weamy?" george asked. "nah." replied the quack. "okay then." george said and rubbed his two brain cells together. he then went to pogtopia and looked down the staircase. he saw two name tags in the sealed off abandoned automatic potato farm room. he walked down the stairs to get a closer look and saw who the name tags belonged to. "what are dream and kirito doing at a place like this at such an ungodly hour?!" george said as the sun started to rise. george crouched, making his name tag invisible. he snuck close to the wall and listened closely. 

"ohhh dreamy creamy!! you're dick makes me want to wring out my balls like a wet sponge!!" kirito moaned. "ohh kirito your tight asshole feels amazing! it feels so much better than george's!! his is too stretched from my magnum cock, but yours is perfect!" dream moaned really loudly. george listened in shock and horror. just as dream said he loved him, he left him for the cheater who killed technoblade. george didn't know what to think. he stayed there, crouching, listening to them both having hardcore anal sex as he cried his eyes out. "if they're so loud do they even care if anyone hears them?" george thought as tears poured from his eye sockets. the sun rose further, george made a good choice, bringing those fireworks with him. george took a deep breathe, steadied his breathing, and stopped crying. "i don't care if we're supposed to attack kirito tomorrow, i'm doing it now! he stole dream from me!! and now i shall make him pay!! and dream too, that unloyal, unfaithful whore!!" george thought as the need to take revenge built up inside him. it was only a matter of time before george became an active volcano full of cum and anger. george loaded his crossbow with fireworks and got his pickaxe out in the other hand. 

george took another deep breathe before finally mining the cobblestone that stood between him and them. he barged in and caught dream balls deep in kirito's asshole. "DREAM YOU BETRAYED ME!! FUCK YOU DREAM!! AND FUCK YOU KIRITO!!" george yelled as he fired his crossbow in a fit of rage, killing both dream and kirito. george was angry, but relieved to kill the two cheaters. but when the sparkles and smoke from the firework cleared and they were both still there. george was shocked! how could they still be alive if he shot them with the firework? "DREAM? HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?!" george asked curiously. the two stood up, their legs shaking from all the hardcore anal sex they were having. cum dripping from in between their legs. there was cum everywhere. dream put his arm around kirito and looked george in the eye. he got the hint. "y-you're... cheating... you.. you're using your hack client..." george realized as all hope within him was lost. his hair covered his eyes as he looked down. "it seems i can't win against you dream. not only are you using a hack client, but, you also have access to commands. i can't ban kirito myself, only you can. and it seems that, you're never going to since you're obviously in love with him." george said shakily. george then started hysterically crying. "DREAM NOT ONLY DID YOU CHEAT ON YOUR SPEEDRUN, BUT YOU CHEATED ON ME! YOU'RE A DOUBLE CHEATER!!" george yelled and ran away. "george wait!" dream yelled and tried to go after george, but kirito stopped him. "let's have more anal sex, yeah?" kirito said blushing. "y-yeah...." dream said with uncertainty and continued fucking kirito.

\-------

as time passed, it was finally time to attack kirito and leave him defeated and ashamed before finally getting banned for good. tubbo, tommy, george, and badboyhalo all loaded their crossbows with arrows and fireworks, repaired their armor, and prepared potions and golden apples, ready to battle the swordsman. "where's dream?" asked tubbo, he looked at george who had the most depressed and betrayed look on his face. "oh..." tubbo said as they approached pogtopia. the four of them traversed through familiar lands until they arrived at pogtopia. "it's time." tommy said, taking out his crossbow. "let's do this!" tubbo announced. the four of them charged into the potato room and found kirito and dream still having hardcore anal sex. "seriously?! you're still going at it!!?!?!" george cried. "i am traumatized. i need to pour bleach in my eyes." badboyhalo said and they all shot at dream and kirito. "you fools! didn't you learn from yesterday?! we're using hack clients we can't die!" kirito exclaimed. both kirito and dream laughed at the four boys and got their enchanted netherite swords out. "we're gonna kill you so hard that you'll never attack us again!!" dream exclaimed as the two of them lunged at the four. the battle didn't go on for long before they were out of potions and golden apples. "guys... it's no use... they're just too powerful!!" tubbo said, surrendering. "don't give up tubbo!! we can do this!!" tommy said, encouraging his slave- i mean soldier. 

but as if plot relevancy wasn't kind to the four boys, something incredible happened. from the top of the staircase, another player jumped down, taking no fall damage. kirito was shocked when he saw who it was, as was everyone else. "TECHNOBLADE?!?!!" kirito exclaimed. "THAT'S RIGHT BITCH! 'TIS I, TECHNOBLADE! I AM HERE FOR REVENGE!!" he yelled heroically. "FIRST OF ALL, LANGUAGE!! SECOND OF ALL, BE CAREFUL TECHNO, THEY'RE USING HACK CLIENTS!!" badboyhalo yelled. "that's no problem!" technoblade smirked and smited the two. they were instantly dead. technoblade started levitating majestically. "and now it's time for justice!" technoblade said and banned dream and kirito from the server. the two were never allowed back on, even dream, who was the owner of the server. "wow technoblade! how did you do that?!" george asked. "the only way to beat a cheater is to beat him at his own game." technoblade said heroically and disappeared.

the end


End file.
